she was so happy

i dreamt last night of my grandmother. it was the first dream i have had of her since her passing.
i feel asleep, straight passed out, at 10:30, on the couch.
and the dream came somewhere between 11 and 2:30am. woke me up eventually.

she was so happy. her face was full. her smile radiant. her body composed. her expression serene. she was so happy.

we were in our old house in reno, nevada. the home i was born in. i remember the tacky plaid design of the sofa, which we later had upholstered. she sat and laughed a lot in this dream. but most interestingly, she was telling me about people. but of people who have already passed. she told me how my grandfather was doing and about another family friend who she loved who has passed in 2006. and she smiled and laughed as she spoke. he cheeks were full of life. her color bright. her eyes shining. she was so happy.

and then i woke. it was so erie in the house. dark and shadowy. and i sat for a minute and just recalled the dream for fear that i would forget it come morning. her smile. her happiness.

*******

i didn't do anything this past weekend but 'be'. i stayed home, i cooked, i baked. all set plans were cancelled and i just allowed myself to 'be'. i think that brought a sense of calm i hadn't allowed myself to feel in a while. i think that released a certain energy that allowed me to be receptive to other things. i don't believe in signs. but i do believe that things happen for a reason and that we can make choices that allow us to be healthy and happy or we can make choices that don't. and those choices, whatever they are, effect other things. just 'being' allowed me to feel in a new way. and it was refreshing.

*******
and she was so happy. and that happy was contagious.