I guess no one really talks about how hard it can be, losing a loved one. People are, of course, so gracious and so kind when they find out. A tilt of the head, a look of pity in the eyes. And you know they understand, or at least try to. I'm sure I made that same face a million times. And it helps, it's nice to have that pity, if even for a moment. Feel bad for me, I just lost her. But that can't be constant and shouldn't be. What IS constant though is that underlying numbness. That feeling that you want to happy but you just aren't. That emptiness that you just can't quite shake. And don't get me wrong, it isn't intense all the time. But it's there. Waiting to be acknowledged, waiting to be addressed.
But where? Where do you address it? In the middle of work? In the middle of hanging out with friends, giving a presentation, interviewing someone? When?
So you let the feeling just sit there. Just sit and wait, and inevitably grow stronger and more intense. You're not quite sure what to do with it in those times. And when it rears it's head you mainly want to tell it to go away and mind it's own business. But it won't. It's there to stay. So you somehow, SOMEHOW need to figure out how to coexist with it.
It's harder than you think.
1 comment:
dear heart I can so relate to this post.....I lost my Mom last September. She lived with me for 7 years before she passed and going home to an empty house every night is very hard. Life does go on, but there's a great big hole in my heart.
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