Not a Wedding

Have you ever planned a wedding? Flowers. Center pieces. The program. The invitations. Travel plans. So much needs to get done. But generally, you have months, nay, years, to get it all done.
Not with a funeral though. You have days. A few, short, 24 hour days to get it all done. The same things just shorter time. And then, and THEN you are supposed to grieve? Where is the time for that? Not there.
So you hear the news, and you hit the ground running........
Burial time, pick the coffin, who will read, when do we prepare the body, who will welcome everyone, who is getting the food, what are we doing to make it special, who are the pall bearers...and the list goes on and on and on...
No time to think, just do. On a time line, so must get everything done. No. Time. To. Think.

And then it all just happens. Like some sort of surreal dream. And you thank GOD for your family who loves and supports you through it. And you let yourself cry, and you let yourself remember, and you allow yourself to just feel.

But it's not enough time. And so then you go back to life. The life that you knew. But it's not that life. It's different. It feels different. And you just now start to realize the loss. And you just now stop worrying about table cloth and framed photographs and how windy a day it will be. Because it's all over. And you are back in a life you once knew, trying to understand why it feels so different. And wishing you were able to call her, just once, to hear her wish you happy and well. But you can't. And all you are left with is the satisfaction that you made that day the best that you could. For her.