Its fascinating how close together the tracks run. If you sit still and just stare, you can see the people in the neighboring train as it runs alongside yours. Each of those a life, each a soul, each with their own story to tell. It's interesting how you can question a life, you can question morals and question your own intentions. Each day you are asked to make certain choices, decisions - whether big or small, that will, in one way or another, influence you and create who you are.
She longs to break out of routine. It has all become too much. The lists, the responsibilities, the feeling of being tied down. When I am free, a new life stirs within me. When the mundane circumstances of the outside do not cloud my sense of purpose, I feel alive. But I have to strive to feel that alive. I have to work hard at creating this balance between what the soul's muffled voice and the loud noises that bombard outwardly. It almost too much to be surrounded by so much activity, sound, pleasure, noise, hurt, speeding moments. Its too much, and your heart recedes far back to a moment when that didn't exist and in that very recession comes a longing to escape.
Sometimes you want to 'feel' so badly you can taste it. And that taste is inspired by a song, a simple melody, a strum of the guitar. Perhaps this is all nonsense. Perhaps the reader reads and finds therein a chaotic mess, or, on the contrary, perhaps the reader reads and in it finds a point of connection.
In five months I do not know where this life will have lead me. In five months I enter unknown territory and there is a certain sense of freedom that comes with the uncertainty. It is the freedom of letting go and trusting that you will be taken care of, that it will and has already been all sorted out, without your constant worry. In that trust is a freedom that no one understands but you.
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