enjoying

For the majority of this trip I have been around other people.  My cousin joined me for a portion of it - which I am ever grateful for - and I stayed with friends, visited with friends, and just hung out.  But the last 4 days of my trip have been all about me.  Flying solo.  Thinking, living in the moment, being true to whatever I want to do.  I eat whatever and whenever I want.  I stop the car off the side of the road to snap a picture, I sit for hours at a time - sometimes doing nothing at all.

There is this incredibly freeing feeling that has become norm.  There are moments I am scared.  A split second when I stop and say - I'm alone.  And then that passes.  Because I know it's momentary and I should enjoy it while I have it.

I wake in a hotel room by myself.  I use the hotel gym! - I don't know WHEN the last time was that I had the time nor desire to use a hotel gym.  I go for a swim.  I sit outside on the patio just 30 minutes until check out because I can.  I have no one telling me I have to go get ready.  I have no one to feel accountable to but myself.  It's purely and refreshingly me.  And I kinda like me.

I know this won't last long.  I know that this is a slice, a small sliver of time where I live in this moment and live alone.  But instead of worrying if it'll be my constant state, I have make a conscious decision to relish it.  These are the moments that make up our big beautiful lives.  And we have a choice to make in each of those moments.  Enjoy it?  Or constantly anticipate something bigger and better?

Today, I'm choosing to enjoy.