The day after my niece was released from the hospital, she had to be taken back. They had to place her under a blue lamp to counter the small bit of jaundice she had. She was teeny tiny - just a little over 6 pounds and her small frame was lost in the incubator type bed they placed her in. She only had her diapers on and even those were too big for her. Having only had been released from the womb a mere 24 hours prior, she was still used to the tight fetal position she has grown in for the past 9 months so any sudden movements from her flailing limbs only woke her up and ignited bouts of tears and a small cry that back then seemed so loud but now only pales in comparison to what her lungs can produce.
That night I stood vigil over her bed. I held her tiny arms and legs in place so that she would not be awoken and so that her tiny frame could rest easy. I stood for hours, positioning myself perfectly so that my hands held her body in place giving the illusion of the world she had just escaped. And I studied her tiny little perfect face, where her nose points and the corners of her eyes meet. And that pensive look she had, even back then - even when she was sleeping.
Tonight as we drove home, her in her car seat and me sitting next to her in the back, I watched her side profile and was immediately reminded of that night. Her features are still the same. I placed my hand on the side of her car seat in order to have a closer look. Her eyes still as intent, her mouth still as dainty and fragile, her eyes now wide with excitement. Without flinching she picked up her hand and wrapper her palm and tiny fingers around my thumb. And she just held on, tight.
I can't believe how big she has gotten. But she will always be that teeny tiny thing to me.
2 comments:
I cried reading this, because after Phoenix was born, Shahr stood the exact same vigil through the night with Phoenix under the blue lights, with his pinky finger in Phoenix's mouth to suck on, and his other hand stroking his head so he would sleep. And so that i could sleep. These little beings are so tiny and helpless, and yet so inspiring and powerful...they can bend grown women and men to their needs!
I cried reading this, because after Phoenix was born, Shahr stood the exact same vigil through the night with Phoenix under the blue lights, with his pinky finger in Phoenix's mouth to suck on, and his other hand stroking his head so he would sleep. And so that i could sleep. These little beings are so tiny and helpless, and yet so inspiring and powerful...they can bend grown women and men to their needs!
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