At the end of every day, shoulders scream with pain from constantly feeling pulled towards the ears for hours as though gravity wishes the opposite fate for them. Back aches from the constant moving, sitting, standing, bending over to explain a lesson or to work out an argument. Feet burning so much so that it feels like you’ve been in heels all day. And the brain actually hurts if it thinks of one more small detail. Anything can put you over the edge.
No one will ever know how hard it is. Unless you have experienced it for yourself – stood in front of 50 watchful eyes for 7 hours straight constantly thinking of how to engage them, how to support them, how to encourage them, while trying desperately to keep them, and yourself calm - you never really know. The physical exhaustion is one thing, granted, but the mental and emotional exhaustion? Completely different. You play so many roles, wear so many hats, and are expected to know the solution to so many problems. It is a level of exertion unlike any I have ever witnessed or experienced. To say you are ‘tired’ on Friday afternoon is an undeniable understatement. For five days you fulfilled your role as educator, friend, therapist, nurturer, actress, counselor, and mediator. And your heart is often heavy.
But nothing will ever replace the feeling of total satisfaction that accompanies the exhaustion at the end of the day. That feeling of knowing that you did something today that will contribute, in the years to come, to the betterment of society. Your days never feel wasted, and in every one of those days, even the ones that feel like everything just went wrong, there is ALWAYS a morsel to remember. How her eyes lit up when she figured out how to spell a word, how his face beamed when he was told you were proud of him, how he learned that word, or she finally negotiated a problem on her own. Each day, however horrid it may have been, however exhausted you may be, ends up in the end, being a small gift to cherish. Those moments surround you and it becomes blatantly obvious that you have slowly fallen in love with every little human you have been in contact with. And their love is returned.
Happy but exhausted. Fulfilled.
6 comments:
Oh my goodness, I am exhausted just reading about it. You're an inspiration, my dear.
I do not know how you do it - and with such passion, love and dedication. all your kids are so lucky.
Every time I pick up the kids from school I wonder how it's possible for someone to spend 7 hours with a class full of kids and still be calm at the end of the day, and then I remember that that is why they are teaching and not me, I don't think I would be able to pull it off as well as all you teachers do...so for that, my hats off to you and the world of teachers. Thank you for being so great with our kids!! xoxo
if we lived in the same country i would INSIST that you were the teacher of my children! your kids are so lucky. love you.
Sahba, I love to read your thoughts. It's like getting to sit down for a deep chat. much love.
I haven't checked out your blog in so long. You've described teaching perfectly (and lovingly). I will be in the city for the Marathon with my daughter - I just sent you an email. Tricia
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